Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Walk...and Walk

"I learn by going where I have to go."  Theodore Roethke

...and so I ask myself, "am I willing to go where the Lord has called me so that I may learn more of Him?"  The zinger that gets under the skin and festers away as I wallow in myself. 

I would like to say that my journey with the Lord is full of gentle slopes, cooling breezes, loving people, perfect control over my fleshly desires and void of fear, anger and doubt.  Alas, if I made this claim, I would be lying.  However, I know that the reward of drawing near to my Abba Father at the end of my hour, day, life, far outweighs all the obstacles that present themselves.  Now, if I could only get my flesh to shut up, I could bask in this reality all of the time.

My own personal reality has me often times stumbling through my day, grasping for mere glimpses of God being in control and trying to keep my anxiety and fear meter from rocketing into space every time I'm faced with the ugly sin of this world, mine included.  I know God is walking with me.  I know this with every fiber of my being but I find myself wanting to see Him more clearly and it seems the harder I  look the worse my Godly vision becomes.  I know there is a lesson in that one for me.  It is my worldly expectations that take my eyes off of God.  I start looking for Him through human eyes instead of holy eyes.  I need to trust in His plan and not try to wrestle the control from Him.  I can do this, right?

The Lord is always calling His children and we go willingly when the journey seems to be something we can manage.  Only a few are willing to go when the journey is dark, dreary, painful, and requires death to self.  God tells us to draw near to Him and He will draw near to us.  Am I willing to throw off all the chains that weigh me down and keep me from knowing Him, knowing His hear, knowing His will?  I want to say yes every hour of every day.  I want to go where He has called me so consistently that I no longer consider going where he hasn't called me.  In this place I will no longer be afraid.  I will no longer worry.  I will no longer grow faint.  I will no longer doubt.  I will have become completely one with Christ.  My heart will no longer be mine and I will love Jesus more than my life. 

This process is going to be life long and I can only determine where to place my feet based on the Light He has shone upon my today.  So, I determine to walk where the Lord has called me today and as I continue on my journey, I will learn of my Lord and my strength will grow and He will replenish me along the way.  I am going to walk and will try to do it gently and with a steadfast heart.  When I fail or grow weary, Jesus will get me back on course.  I'm going to trust in the love of my Abba Father and set my eyes on Jesus.  Walking and learning all the days of my life.

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