Friday, June 1, 2012

Abounding Love

And this I (we) pray, that your (our) love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; that ye (we) may approve things that are excellent; that (we) ye may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ; being filled  with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.    Phil 1:9-11

I have found myself sitting on the couch, day after day, since the end of December.  I have had so many months of sitting here that I can hardly remember what it feels like to "live" my life.  I have had much time to think and have found myself on a journey of figuring out how to focus on the things of God and work on eliminating the things that have proven to be distractions. 

I am so happy to say that an end is in sight in regards to my sitting on the couch.  I had foot surgery four weeks ago to remove my extra bone and the doctor says that I can now walk with my boot and crutches and that in two weeks I can walk in my boot without crutches and that two weeks after that he will probably cut me loose and I will be free to wear cute shoes again.  Yippee!!!  I was so nervous about the surgery.  I had been told by three different doctors that this was the largest extra bone they had ever seen and that a large part of my tendon was attached to it.  I did not enjoy the surgery and my body enjoyed it even less than my mind.  I do not do drugs well and the nurse learned the hard way that I wasn't joking.  I am happy to say that I am now in less pain than I was before the surgery and I am so hopeful that I will make a full recovery and that my tendon will simmer down and behave once again.  

My children have been so strong during this LONG journey and I am so thankful to them for starting countless loads of laundry, cooking meals, pushing me around in my desk chair, cleaning up the floor so I don't break my neck and helping me in all the ways that keep our home running.  They are awesome.  

For several weeks leading up to my surgery, we had friends helping us to put in a new wood floor.  Weekend and after weekend they showed up and after 7 weeks, we were able to complete the job.  I was not able to help them once I went under the knife and they were gracious enough to get the main living area finished.  They were back on the job the day after my surgery and kept at it until we could celebrate a job well done.  I am so thankful for their sacrifice and am feeling so blessed.  Every time I  gimp across my floor, I am reminded of their love.

Week three into our recovery,  my brother and sister-in-law came for a visit.  They showed up squirting the kids with water guns from their car windows and the fun never stopped for five days...unless they were asleep.  We had a wonderful and rainy week filled with games and movies and more games.  My kids have the best aunt in the world and I am so thankful for the effort she makes to be a part of their lives.  My kids will always have such sweet memories.  

My mother will be here in two days and we are looking forward to her visit.  It has been three years and that is far too long. 

I am working on my love abounding more and more.  This seems to be the kicker for my ability to approve the things that are excellent.  God has provided me with opportunities for my heart to grow and swell and I am trying to embrace each opportunity.  Especially when the opportunity is proving to challenge my ability to love.  It can be a person or my own heart freezing from feeling too vulnerable.  However, God has been gracious and so patient and loving with me and I have been blessed with love flowing into my life as well.  There are days when I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming because love is overflowing in my life.  God is the beginning, middle and end of my ability to love others and I am so thankful that He is pouring into me so that I can more freely pour into others.  There are times when I am griping and complaining and my selfishness is getting ugly and He is quick to bring reminders to me of how blessed I am.  I am learning to embrace His will and design for my life.  I am learning to deny myself and to look towards the Lord with hopeful expectations.  I am excited to feel myself in The Potter's Hands.  I am full of anticipation as He reveals Himself to me.  I am so thankful that I am washed clean by the blood of The Lamb and that I am a new creation in Him.  The Lord has never been shy about growing me and I am so glad that I am not the same person I was 5, 10, 20 years ago when I began this journey with Him.

My heart is still weeping over the heartache in this world and I yearn for Jesus' return so that the pain will stop.  Near and far, people are broken and bleeding and I am trying to not lean on my own understanding but to trust in the God of the universe.  I am committing my heart to trusting in His plan for His children and to walk by faith and not by sight.  

I have so much bouncing around in my head and heart and have yet to sort it all out enough to commit it to writing at this point.  I am trusting that God will continue to reveal Himself to me one day at a time and that His will and love will reveal itself in my life more and more completely.  I am bubbling over right now and am so thankful for the Lord's presence in my life.  I pray you are able to feel His presence in your life as well and that you know and trust in His love.  Be blessed and I will try and update sooner next time.

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